Before 2018 I only knew of the word healing in terms of medical healing. If someone was hurt or sick, they would heal from their aliment. In 2017, while pregnant with my third child I did not know if my unborn baby would live. This event drastically shifted my life. I prayed a lot. I didn’t cry a lot because at that time I still thought crying was weak. At the end of forty weeks, and one day I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. As I write this now, he is three, just got out of the pool with his goggles on, so tight his eyes are squinted, and his top lip can barely move, he wants me to swim with him. These past three years I have learned a lot about healing, not about medical healing but about healing from the inside out.
How My Healing Journey Started:
The birth of Rhett was the start of my healing journey and in 2018 I started to shift. Something inside me started to change. I can’t explain it, but it is like a calling for something more, a calling for something less, a call for something different, a calling from my Soul. I was done with being so stress, overwhelmed, and overworked both at home and at work. I felt stuck. I was tired of yelling at the kids and my relationship with my husband felt more like work. It felt like I was always giving to everyone else and there was no time for me. It was exhausting, I was exhausted. I wanted my outside world to change, but what I discovered is that I wanted my outside world to change I needed to heal my inside world. When we go inside to heal, our whole outside heals.
A Journey Back to Love:
Unconsciously, I started a journey to learn to love myself again, to love all of me, all parts of me, even the ones I thought were ‘bad’, even the ones I thought were unlovable. A journey to learn that I am the love. A journey to undoing the blocks to feeling this love, to being this love, and this is what I mean by healing.
I believe that healing is available to us in each moment, it can be that aha moment, a shift in perspective, the undoing of an old patterns and cycles, the letting go of limiting thoughts and beliefs, it can be deeper like shadow work and inner child work.
It’s the moment when we allow ourselves to be loved more fully, the moment when we allow our heart to integrate parts that have broken off or need mending. It is releasing the blocks and the fears that keep us from the Divine Love that is within us.
Why I am so Passionate About Healing…
The reason I heal and am so passionate about helping others heal is because I have discovered there is this beautiful love within me. This love can bring me to tears it is so magical. I want everyone to feel this love. This beautiful love that comes from within. I believe that my healing journey allowed me to access this love that is within me, available to me at any moment. I believe that my healing journey opened the door to my heart, to allow the love to flow.
Flowing River or a Dam?
Imagine there is water flowing through you and at one point, most likely when you were a child, it flowed freely. Then as you got older every time you got frustrated, angry, irritated, upset, and didn’t allow yourself to feel these feelings, which are natural, you blocked the flow of the water.
Imagine that every time you resisted or blocked life, every time you pushed down a feeling or a thought or a fear with an “I’m fine” or a distraction instead of allowing yourself to feel it, you block the flow of water.
Every time you followed someone else’s dreams, someone else’s path instead of your own you blocked the flow of the water.
Now imagine what it looks like in your body. Is it a flowing river? Or is it full of dams? This water is love; we are blocking our own love.
My goal is to help you release the dams so you can allow the flow of the water, so you can allow the flow of love to engulf you.
Words I used to reference healing…
What Can You Heal?
What is a Healing Like?
In the beginning I just started to become aware of me, of what I didn’t want and then what I wanted and needed. Then I started to go deeper, I started to meditate and while that brought peace and more stillness to my mind, it was not the only way to connect to myself. Daily I connect with myself, with the Love within me. This connection can just be a couple of breathes to remind me of the love within me, this connection can occur when my emotions are overcoming me and my anger wants to explode out of me, this connection can occur when I pray, when my heart is full of gratitude, this connection can occur when I listen to a song or audiobook or read a book that moves me. These connections can occur in my different ways.
There are times that parts of me show up that have not yet received the love they need or deserve. Their voices have not yet been heard. They don’t know yet that they are the love. They are parts of me frozen in time, at the time they were hurt. These parts still need to be integrated with the love. I hold compassion for them, I am curious about them, how were they hurt? What do they need me to know? How can I help them, us? These parts show up in thoughts, behaviors, actions, emotions, and situations in life. These parts are typically show up as a cycle or pattern that keeps coming up in my life. I have found that the Universe will continue to send similar situations in my life that needs to be heal and if I ignore these situations or suppress them or don’t become aware of their occurrence and heal them then they will continue.
You Have the Power to Heal Yourself:
Monthly, or more often, I go to healing sessions to work through the hurt or pain of these parts or the beliefs that I picked up in childhood so that I can learn to love myself and others more. I connect with parts of me, vulnerable parts of me that have built up protection layers. These vulnerable parts of me do not want to experience what occurred before so these protection layers drive behaviors that keep me from the hurt. I quickly started to realize there were so many events in my life that needed to be healed and I couldn’t just wait until the once-a-month sessions. So, I started to heal myself, I started to get more curious, more aware, more compassionate, and I realized that I could hold the space for myself to heal. That I am powerful enough to heal myself.
I heal in many ways… I write, I journal about my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences. I write this book, I meditate, I use the tapping method, I do guided visualizations, I pray, I read, I connect to my inner child, I use Internal Family Systems, I talk with family about deep pain or hurt and am open and compassionate in the space, I walk, I get into nature, there are so many ways to heal. As I did this more and more, I realized that throughout the day, there were still daily frustrations that would make me angry, irritated, or frustrated… then I found The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. When I read his book, relief flooded over me, finally I found something I can do at any moment and not feel in that moment that I need to take a mental note to go heal it later. I learned that I can just breathe into the uncomfortable feelings, I can just feel it all, breathe into it all, and then let it go. The concept is really this simple, the implementation can be more difficult. Allow yourself to breath in each challenging moment.
Is the Love Only Available Once I’m Healed?
No. What I want you to know now, is that you do not need to heal to access the Love within you as you are already the love, however, releasing the blocks allows the Love to flow more freely.
Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
Through my journey back to myself, to the love within me. I realized we all have the power to heal ourselves. However, sometimes even the best of us need support. I am happy to help guide you back to the Love that is within you, back to love. I would love to hold the space for you to heal the blocks and fears keeping you from this love. You are worthy of this Divine Love that is Within You! What are you waiting for?